This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
