just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
