just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize