I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This baby is an asshole
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
