i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
