She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
