it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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