I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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