I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
