Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
