Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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