you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
