Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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