also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
