margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
