note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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