The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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