I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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