So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
