if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
