Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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