I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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