Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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