I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
