So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
