apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there bacon in the couch?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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