You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
