from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
