Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
