FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
