pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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