Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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