apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
