I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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