Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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