ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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