Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
