Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize