I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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