Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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