and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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