would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
