he was CRYING into my vagina
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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