How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
