Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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