I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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