I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
