I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize