just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
