if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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