I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
