she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
