Plan B is the new Plan A
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
