Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
