We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
