whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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