this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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