Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
