Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
