so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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