dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
