dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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