She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
