I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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