so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
