Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize