Sry I called you an 8
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize