also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
