I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
how drunk are you?
Several
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
