i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
