i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
