there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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