And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
