he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
