I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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