1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The maid of honor just puked.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
this hospital has no fireball
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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