im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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