What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize