Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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