I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
