so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
