she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
