I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
