Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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