Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
