just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
