Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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