Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
