Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize