So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
