It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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