I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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