just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
