i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
